Helpful guidance
SOCIAL SECURITY INFORMATION
Our funeral home constantly strive to provide you with as much assistance as we possibly can, especially when it comes to obtaining any benefits to which you are entitled.
When a death occurs, generally the first form that we complete and file is the Statement of Death by Funeral Director form. The Social Security Administration is not able to proceed with any claim until they receive this form, so we try to prevent any delays in your receiving death benefits from Social Security by filing the necessary paperwork in a very timely fashion.
The following information is designed to assist you in understanding your eligibility for Social Security Benefits and how to proceed when filing a claim for Social Security Benefits. If you do not find the information you are looking for here, more information is available from the Social Security Administration web site, www.ssa.gov.
PART 1 - If You're Working ...What You Need To Know About Survivors Benefits
"Life Insurance" From Social Security
Many people think of Social Security as a retirement program, but retirement benefits are just one facet of the Social Security program.
Some of the Social Security taxes you pay go towards survivors' insurance. In fact, the value of the survivors insurance you have under Social Security is probably more than the value of your individual life insurance.
When someone who has worked and paid into Social Security dies, survivor benefits can be paid to certain family members. These include widows, widowers (and divorced widows and widowers), children, and dependent parents.
You, along with millions of other people, earn survivors insurance by working and paying Social Security taxes. Right now, 98 out of every 100 children could get benefits if a working parent should die. In fact, Social Security pays more benefits to children than any other federal program.
How Do You Earn Survivors Benefits?
When you die, certain members of your family may be eligible for survivors benefits if you worked, paid Social Security taxes, and earned enough "credits." You can earn a maximum of four credits each year. The number of credits you need depends on your age when you die. The younger a person is, the fewer credits he or she needs to have family members meet the eligibility requirements for survivors benefits. But no one needs more than 40 credits (10 years of work) to be eligible for any Social Security benefits.
Under a special rule, benefits can be paid to your children and your spouse who is caring for the children, even though you do not have the number of credits needed. They can get benefits if you have credit for one and one half years of work in the three years just before your death.
Who Can Get Survivors Benefits?
When you die, Social Security survivors benefits can be paid to your:
There is a special one-time payment of $255 that can be made when you die if you have enough work "credits." This payment can be made only to your spouse or minor children if they meet certain requirements.
Benefits for Surviving Divorced Spouses
If you've been divorced, your former wife or husband can get benefits under the same circumstances as your widow or widower if your marriage lasted 10 years or more. Your former spouse, however, does not have to meet the length-of-marriage rule if she or he is caring for your child who is under 16 or disabled and who is also getting benefits on your Social Security record. The child must be your former spouse's natural or legally adopted child.
Benefits paid to a surviving divorced spouse who is age 60 or older (50-60 if disabled) will not affect the benefit rates for other survivors getting benefits.
How Much Are Benefits?
How much your family can get from Social Security depends on your average lifetime earnings. That means the higher your earnings, the higher their benefits will be.
PART 2 - If A Loved One Had Died...What You Need To Know About Survivors' Benefits
How Do I Apply For Benefits?
How you sign up for survivors benefits depends on whether or not you're getting other Social Security benefits.
If You Aren't Getting Social Security Benefits
You should apply for survivors benefits promptly because, in some cases, benefits may not be retroactive. You can apply by telephone or at any Social Security office.
The Social Security representative will need certain information to process your application. It is helpful if you have it when you apply. But don't delay applying if you don't have everything; a Social Security representative can help you obtain the necessary materials. They need either original documents or copies certified by the agency that issued them.
The information needed includes:
If you're getting benefits as a wife or husband on your spouse's record when he or she dies, you should report the death to Social Security and they will change your payments to survivors benefits. If they need more information, a Social Security representative will contact you.
If you're getting benefits on your own record, you'll need to complete an application to get survivors benefits. Call or visit a Social Security Office and they will check to see if you can get more money as a widow or widower. A Social Security representative will need to see a certified copy of your spouse's death certificate to process your claim. The certified copy can then be returned to you.
Benefits for any children will automatically be changed to survivors benefits after the death is reported. A Social Security representative will contact you if they need more information.
How Much Will I Receive?
The amount of your benefit is based on the earnings of the person who died. The more he or she paid into Social Security, the higher your benefits will be.
The amount you will get is a percentage of the deceased's basic Social Security benefit. The percentage depends on your age and the type of benefit you are eligible for. Here are the most typical situations.
There is a limit to the amount of money that can be paid to you and other family members each month. The limit varies, but is generally equal to about 150 to 180 percent of the deceased's benefit rate. If the sum of the benefits payable to the family members is greater than this limit, the benefits will be reduced proportionately.
Retirement Benefits For Widow(ers)
If you are receiving widows or widowers (including divorced widows or widowers) benefits, you should remember that you can switch to your own retirement benefit as early as age 62. This assumes that you are eligible and your retirement rate is higher than your widow(er) rate. In many cases, a widow(er) can begin receiving one benefit at a reduced rate and then switch to the other benefit at an unreduced rate at age 65. The rules are complicated and vary depending on your situation, so you should talk to a one of the Social Security representatives about the options available to you.
What If I Work?
If you get Social Security survivors benefits, the amount of your benefits may be reduced if your earnings exceed certain limits. There's no earnings limit once you reach age 70. Your earnings will reduce only your survivors benefits, not the benefits of other family members.
What If I Remarry?
Generally, you can't get survivors benefits if you remarry. But, remarriage after age 60 (50 if disabled) will not prevent benefit payments on your former spouse's record. And, at age 62 or older, you may get benefits on the record of your new spouse if they are higher.
A Word About Medicare
Medicare is a health insurance plan for people who are age 65 or older. People who are disabled or have kidney failure also can get Medicare. Medicare has two parts: hospital insurance and medical insurance. Most people have both parts. Hospital insurance, sometimes called Part A, covers inpatient hospital care and certain follow-up care. The worker already paid for it as part of his or her Social Security taxes while he or she was working. Medical insurance, sometimes called Part B, pays for physicians' services and some other services not covered by hospital insurance. Medical insurance is optional, and you must pay a premium. Some people are already getting Social Security benefits when they turn 65, and their Medicare starts automatically. Others must file an application. For more information, call the Health Care Financing Administration at 1-800 MEDICAR(E) and ask for a copy of the handbook, "Medicare and You". You also can visit the website at www.medicare.gov.
When a death occurs, generally the first form that we complete and file is the Statement of Death by Funeral Director form. The Social Security Administration is not able to proceed with any claim until they receive this form, so we try to prevent any delays in your receiving death benefits from Social Security by filing the necessary paperwork in a very timely fashion.
The following information is designed to assist you in understanding your eligibility for Social Security Benefits and how to proceed when filing a claim for Social Security Benefits. If you do not find the information you are looking for here, more information is available from the Social Security Administration web site, www.ssa.gov.
PART 1 - If You're Working ...What You Need To Know About Survivors Benefits
"Life Insurance" From Social Security
Many people think of Social Security as a retirement program, but retirement benefits are just one facet of the Social Security program.
Some of the Social Security taxes you pay go towards survivors' insurance. In fact, the value of the survivors insurance you have under Social Security is probably more than the value of your individual life insurance.
When someone who has worked and paid into Social Security dies, survivor benefits can be paid to certain family members. These include widows, widowers (and divorced widows and widowers), children, and dependent parents.
You, along with millions of other people, earn survivors insurance by working and paying Social Security taxes. Right now, 98 out of every 100 children could get benefits if a working parent should die. In fact, Social Security pays more benefits to children than any other federal program.
How Do You Earn Survivors Benefits?
When you die, certain members of your family may be eligible for survivors benefits if you worked, paid Social Security taxes, and earned enough "credits." You can earn a maximum of four credits each year. The number of credits you need depends on your age when you die. The younger a person is, the fewer credits he or she needs to have family members meet the eligibility requirements for survivors benefits. But no one needs more than 40 credits (10 years of work) to be eligible for any Social Security benefits.
Under a special rule, benefits can be paid to your children and your spouse who is caring for the children, even though you do not have the number of credits needed. They can get benefits if you have credit for one and one half years of work in the three years just before your death.
Who Can Get Survivors Benefits?
When you die, Social Security survivors benefits can be paid to your:
- widow or widower - full benefits at 65 or older (if born before 1940) or reduced benefits as early as age 60. (The age for receiving full benefits gradually increases for persons born after 1939 until it reaches age 67 for persons born in 1962 and later.) A disabled widow or widower can get benefits at 50-60. The surviving spouse's benefits may be reduced if he or she also receives a pension from a job where Social Security taxes were not withheld.
- widow or widower at any age if she or he takes care of your child under 16 or disabled who get benefits;
- unmarried children under 18 (or up to age 19 if they are attending elementary or secondary school full time). Your child can get benefits at any age if he or she was disabled before age 22 and remained disabled. Under certain circumstances, benefits also can be paid to your stepchildren, grandchildren, or adopted children; or
- dependent parents at 62 or older.
There is a special one-time payment of $255 that can be made when you die if you have enough work "credits." This payment can be made only to your spouse or minor children if they meet certain requirements.
Benefits for Surviving Divorced Spouses
If you've been divorced, your former wife or husband can get benefits under the same circumstances as your widow or widower if your marriage lasted 10 years or more. Your former spouse, however, does not have to meet the length-of-marriage rule if she or he is caring for your child who is under 16 or disabled and who is also getting benefits on your Social Security record. The child must be your former spouse's natural or legally adopted child.
Benefits paid to a surviving divorced spouse who is age 60 or older (50-60 if disabled) will not affect the benefit rates for other survivors getting benefits.
How Much Are Benefits?
How much your family can get from Social Security depends on your average lifetime earnings. That means the higher your earnings, the higher their benefits will be.
PART 2 - If A Loved One Had Died...What You Need To Know About Survivors' Benefits
How Do I Apply For Benefits?
How you sign up for survivors benefits depends on whether or not you're getting other Social Security benefits.
If You Aren't Getting Social Security Benefits
You should apply for survivors benefits promptly because, in some cases, benefits may not be retroactive. You can apply by telephone or at any Social Security office.
The Social Security representative will need certain information to process your application. It is helpful if you have it when you apply. But don't delay applying if you don't have everything; a Social Security representative can help you obtain the necessary materials. They need either original documents or copies certified by the agency that issued them.
The information needed includes:
- Proof of death - either from funeral home or death certificate;
- Your Social Security number, as well as the worker's;
- Your birth certificate;
- Your marriage certificate if you're a widow or widower;
- Your divorce papers if you're applying as a surviving divorced spouse;
- Dependent children's Social Security numbers, if available;
- Deceased worker's W-2 forms or federal self-employment tax return for the most recent year; and
- The name of your bank and your account number so your benefits can be directly deposited into your account.
If you're getting benefits as a wife or husband on your spouse's record when he or she dies, you should report the death to Social Security and they will change your payments to survivors benefits. If they need more information, a Social Security representative will contact you.
If you're getting benefits on your own record, you'll need to complete an application to get survivors benefits. Call or visit a Social Security Office and they will check to see if you can get more money as a widow or widower. A Social Security representative will need to see a certified copy of your spouse's death certificate to process your claim. The certified copy can then be returned to you.
Benefits for any children will automatically be changed to survivors benefits after the death is reported. A Social Security representative will contact you if they need more information.
How Much Will I Receive?
The amount of your benefit is based on the earnings of the person who died. The more he or she paid into Social Security, the higher your benefits will be.
The amount you will get is a percentage of the deceased's basic Social Security benefit. The percentage depends on your age and the type of benefit you are eligible for. Here are the most typical situations.
- widow or widower, age 65 or older - 100 percent;
- widow or widower age, 60-64 - about 71-94 percent;
- widow, any age, with a child under age 16 - 75 percent; or
- children - 75 percent
There is a limit to the amount of money that can be paid to you and other family members each month. The limit varies, but is generally equal to about 150 to 180 percent of the deceased's benefit rate. If the sum of the benefits payable to the family members is greater than this limit, the benefits will be reduced proportionately.
Retirement Benefits For Widow(ers)
If you are receiving widows or widowers (including divorced widows or widowers) benefits, you should remember that you can switch to your own retirement benefit as early as age 62. This assumes that you are eligible and your retirement rate is higher than your widow(er) rate. In many cases, a widow(er) can begin receiving one benefit at a reduced rate and then switch to the other benefit at an unreduced rate at age 65. The rules are complicated and vary depending on your situation, so you should talk to a one of the Social Security representatives about the options available to you.
What If I Work?
If you get Social Security survivors benefits, the amount of your benefits may be reduced if your earnings exceed certain limits. There's no earnings limit once you reach age 70. Your earnings will reduce only your survivors benefits, not the benefits of other family members.
What If I Remarry?
Generally, you can't get survivors benefits if you remarry. But, remarriage after age 60 (50 if disabled) will not prevent benefit payments on your former spouse's record. And, at age 62 or older, you may get benefits on the record of your new spouse if they are higher.
A Word About Medicare
Medicare is a health insurance plan for people who are age 65 or older. People who are disabled or have kidney failure also can get Medicare. Medicare has two parts: hospital insurance and medical insurance. Most people have both parts. Hospital insurance, sometimes called Part A, covers inpatient hospital care and certain follow-up care. The worker already paid for it as part of his or her Social Security taxes while he or she was working. Medical insurance, sometimes called Part B, pays for physicians' services and some other services not covered by hospital insurance. Medical insurance is optional, and you must pay a premium. Some people are already getting Social Security benefits when they turn 65, and their Medicare starts automatically. Others must file an application. For more information, call the Health Care Financing Administration at 1-800 MEDICAR(E) and ask for a copy of the handbook, "Medicare and You". You also can visit the website at www.medicare.gov.
WRITING AN OBITUARY
What is an obituary?
More than merely a "good-bye" to the deceased, this is a farewell which can, in chronological order, detail the life of the deceased. An obituary also serves as notification that an individual has passed away and details of the services that are to take place. An obituary's length may be somewhat dictated by the space available in the newspaper it is to appear in. Therefore it's best to check how much room you have before you begin your composition. Remember that the obituary needs to appear in print a few days prior to the memorial service. There are some cases where this may not be possible, therefore give some consideration to the guidelines below when composing the obituary.
What to include?
Naturally, it is vital that the full name, along with the location and date of passing is included so that there is no confusion over whom has died. You may wish to consider placing a photograph (which can appear as black & white or in color depending on the newspaper's layout) with the text. There are usually extra charges applied if you are thinking of using a photograph. If you wish, mention where the deceased resided. This will normally only include the street, city and region/state/province/county. The street number is not normally included for reasons of security.
In a concise manner, write about the significant events in the life of the deceased. This may include the schools he or she attended and any degrees attained; you may also include any vocations or interests that the deceased was involved with.
Survivors
It is common to include a list of those who have survived the deceased. The list should include (where applicable):
Also, anyone listed as a special friend or companion is not normally included amongst the list of survivors unless the deceased's blood relatives request that it be so. The obituary's traditional purpose is to list survivors either related through the bloodline or marriage.
Additional information such as where the body will be laid to rest and any pallbearer's names or names of honorary pallbearers may be mentioned.
At this point list the details of the time and location of any services for the deceased: these may include the funeral, burial, wake and memorial service where appropriate.
Do's & Don'ts
If you don't know where to start, do read other obituaries to gain an idea of how personal and touching an obituary may be.
Do use such terms as "visitation will be from" or "friends may call from". Do not utilize the phrase "lie in state" as that only applies to a head of state such as the prime minister or president.
When memorial donations are to be requested start the final paragraph of the obituary with the words "Memorial donations may be made to".
Do consider if you wish to send the obituary to newspapers in other cities e.g. to a town where the deceased may have resided previously. Obtain copies of the obituary to send to distant relatives and friends.
Final Considerations
Any and all information to be included in the obituary should be verified with another family member. A newspaper will have to verify with the funeral home being utilized that the deceased is in fact being taken care of by that funeral home.
Seeing as most newspapers charge by the word when placing an obituary, it may not always be feasible to mention everything that we have stated in our guidelines. Use your own discretion and do not put yourself under any financial hardship. Your loved one would understand.
More than merely a "good-bye" to the deceased, this is a farewell which can, in chronological order, detail the life of the deceased. An obituary also serves as notification that an individual has passed away and details of the services that are to take place. An obituary's length may be somewhat dictated by the space available in the newspaper it is to appear in. Therefore it's best to check how much room you have before you begin your composition. Remember that the obituary needs to appear in print a few days prior to the memorial service. There are some cases where this may not be possible, therefore give some consideration to the guidelines below when composing the obituary.
What to include?
Naturally, it is vital that the full name, along with the location and date of passing is included so that there is no confusion over whom has died. You may wish to consider placing a photograph (which can appear as black & white or in color depending on the newspaper's layout) with the text. There are usually extra charges applied if you are thinking of using a photograph. If you wish, mention where the deceased resided. This will normally only include the street, city and region/state/province/county. The street number is not normally included for reasons of security.
In a concise manner, write about the significant events in the life of the deceased. This may include the schools he or she attended and any degrees attained; you may also include any vocations or interests that the deceased was involved with.
Survivors
It is common to include a list of those who have survived the deceased. The list should include (where applicable):
- Parents
- Spouse and children
- Adopted children
- Half & step children
- Siblings
- Half- & step-siblings
- Grandparents
Also, anyone listed as a special friend or companion is not normally included amongst the list of survivors unless the deceased's blood relatives request that it be so. The obituary's traditional purpose is to list survivors either related through the bloodline or marriage.
Additional information such as where the body will be laid to rest and any pallbearer's names or names of honorary pallbearers may be mentioned.
At this point list the details of the time and location of any services for the deceased: these may include the funeral, burial, wake and memorial service where appropriate.
Do's & Don'ts
If you don't know where to start, do read other obituaries to gain an idea of how personal and touching an obituary may be.
Do use such terms as "visitation will be from" or "friends may call from". Do not utilize the phrase "lie in state" as that only applies to a head of state such as the prime minister or president.
When memorial donations are to be requested start the final paragraph of the obituary with the words "Memorial donations may be made to".
Do consider if you wish to send the obituary to newspapers in other cities e.g. to a town where the deceased may have resided previously. Obtain copies of the obituary to send to distant relatives and friends.
Final Considerations
Any and all information to be included in the obituary should be verified with another family member. A newspaper will have to verify with the funeral home being utilized that the deceased is in fact being taken care of by that funeral home.
Seeing as most newspapers charge by the word when placing an obituary, it may not always be feasible to mention everything that we have stated in our guidelines. Use your own discretion and do not put yourself under any financial hardship. Your loved one would understand.
EULOGIES
Writing and delivering a eulogy is a noble gesture that is worthy of thought and effort. It is an opportunity to make a contribution to a memorial service, a contribution that your friends and family will remember for a long time.
Writing a eulogy, a tribute, a letter, or keeping a journal represents another equally valuable opportunity for you. The ability to use the writing process as a therapeutic tool to help you deal with your grief. The power of writing is undeniable and there is no better time than now for you to discover and take advantage of this.
What a eulogy should accomplish
There are two common misconceptions about the purposes of a eulogy. Some people think: 1) it should be an objective summation of the deceased's life; or 2) it should speak for everyone who is present at the memorial service. Both of these assumptions are unrealistic.
A eulogy is much more simple. It should convey the feelings and experiences of the person giving the eulogy. The most touching and meaningful eulogies are written from a subjective point of view and from the heart. So don't feel compelled to write your loved one's life story. Instead, tell your story.
Clearly, the burden of the eulogy does not have to be yours completely. If you have the time, ask friends or relatives for their recollections and stories. In a eulogy, it is perfectly acceptable to say, for example, "I was talking to Uncle Lenny about Ron; he reminded me of the time Ron came to our Thanksgiving dinner with half of his face clean-shaven and the other half bearded. It was Ron's funny way of showing that he had mixed feelings about shaving off his beard."
Honesty is very important. In most cases, there will be a lot of positive qualities to talk about. Once in a while, however, there is someone with more negative traits than positive qualities. If that is the case, remember, you don't have to say everything. Just be honest about the positive qualities and everyone will appreciate the eulogy.
Remember, you do not have to write a perfect eulogy. Whatever you write and deliver will be appreciated by the people at the funeral. If you are inclined to be a perfectionist, lower your expectations and just do what you can given the short time frame for preparation and your emotional state.
Tips for delivering a eulogy
If you decide to write a eulogy and deliver it, realize that it may be the most difficult speech you will ever make; and it may be the most rewarding. It is important to realize that people are not going to judge you. They will be very supportive. No matter what happens, it will be okay. If you break down in the middle of your speech, everyone will understand. Take a moment to compose yourself, and then continue. There is no reason to be embarrassed. Remember, giving a eulogy is a noble gesture that people will appreciate and admire.
If you can, make the eulogy easy to read. On a computer, print out the eulogy in a large type size. If you are using a typewriter, put extra carriage returns between the lines. If you are writing it by hand, print the final version in large letters and give the words room to breath by writing on every second or third line.
Before the service, consider getting a small cup of water. Keep it with you during the service. When you go to the podium to deliver the eulogy, take the water with you in case you need it. Sipping water before you start and during the speech if needed, will help relax you. If you are nervous before delivering the eulogy, breathe deeply and tell yourself that everything will be fine. It will be. Look around at your relatives and friends and realize that they are with you 100 percent. Realize that it is acceptable to read the eulogy without making eye contact with the audience, if that would be easier for you. Take your time. Do the best you can. No one expects you to have the delivery of a great orator or the stage presence of an actor. Just be you.
Writing a eulogy, a tribute, a letter, or keeping a journal represents another equally valuable opportunity for you. The ability to use the writing process as a therapeutic tool to help you deal with your grief. The power of writing is undeniable and there is no better time than now for you to discover and take advantage of this.
What a eulogy should accomplish
There are two common misconceptions about the purposes of a eulogy. Some people think: 1) it should be an objective summation of the deceased's life; or 2) it should speak for everyone who is present at the memorial service. Both of these assumptions are unrealistic.
A eulogy is much more simple. It should convey the feelings and experiences of the person giving the eulogy. The most touching and meaningful eulogies are written from a subjective point of view and from the heart. So don't feel compelled to write your loved one's life story. Instead, tell your story.
Clearly, the burden of the eulogy does not have to be yours completely. If you have the time, ask friends or relatives for their recollections and stories. In a eulogy, it is perfectly acceptable to say, for example, "I was talking to Uncle Lenny about Ron; he reminded me of the time Ron came to our Thanksgiving dinner with half of his face clean-shaven and the other half bearded. It was Ron's funny way of showing that he had mixed feelings about shaving off his beard."
Honesty is very important. In most cases, there will be a lot of positive qualities to talk about. Once in a while, however, there is someone with more negative traits than positive qualities. If that is the case, remember, you don't have to say everything. Just be honest about the positive qualities and everyone will appreciate the eulogy.
Remember, you do not have to write a perfect eulogy. Whatever you write and deliver will be appreciated by the people at the funeral. If you are inclined to be a perfectionist, lower your expectations and just do what you can given the short time frame for preparation and your emotional state.
Tips for delivering a eulogy
If you decide to write a eulogy and deliver it, realize that it may be the most difficult speech you will ever make; and it may be the most rewarding. It is important to realize that people are not going to judge you. They will be very supportive. No matter what happens, it will be okay. If you break down in the middle of your speech, everyone will understand. Take a moment to compose yourself, and then continue. There is no reason to be embarrassed. Remember, giving a eulogy is a noble gesture that people will appreciate and admire.
If you can, make the eulogy easy to read. On a computer, print out the eulogy in a large type size. If you are using a typewriter, put extra carriage returns between the lines. If you are writing it by hand, print the final version in large letters and give the words room to breath by writing on every second or third line.
Before the service, consider getting a small cup of water. Keep it with you during the service. When you go to the podium to deliver the eulogy, take the water with you in case you need it. Sipping water before you start and during the speech if needed, will help relax you. If you are nervous before delivering the eulogy, breathe deeply and tell yourself that everything will be fine. It will be. Look around at your relatives and friends and realize that they are with you 100 percent. Realize that it is acceptable to read the eulogy without making eye contact with the audience, if that would be easier for you. Take your time. Do the best you can. No one expects you to have the delivery of a great orator or the stage presence of an actor. Just be you.
FUNERAL ETIQUETTE
Are you uncertain about what to do at a funeral? Have you wondered what options are available if you can’t attend a funeral? This section teaches you everything you need to know to help you do the right thing before, during and after the service.
What to Do
Offer Words of Condolence
Offering comforting words to the family is usually the easiest thing you can do. It's also something the family will appreciate and remember. If you're attending the service, offer your condolences in person or share a story or special memory about the deceased. If you can't be there, you can still be with the family in thought by signing the private guestbook.
Sign the register during the visitation
When you sign the register at the funeral home, be sure to list your name and your relationship to the deceased. The register is something the family will have forever, and they will appreciate knowing who you are and how you knew their loved one in years to come.
Send a gift to the family
Appropriate gifts include flowers, a donation to a charity (oftentimes the family will have a preferred charity), food or a service. You can send your gift to the family's home or the funeral home. Please ensure you include a signed card with your gift so the family knows who sent it.
Stay in touch with the family
Depending on your relationship with the family, you may choose to stay in touch in person, by telephone or online. The grieving process can be long and difficult. You will serve the family well by letting them know you're there for them.
What to Wear
Historically, people wore black to a funeral. Today it's acceptable to dress in a wider range of colors and clothing styles. A good rule of thumb is to dress as you would at church or a job interview.
If you have any other questions about funeral etiquette, please contact us.
What to Do
Offer Words of Condolence
Offering comforting words to the family is usually the easiest thing you can do. It's also something the family will appreciate and remember. If you're attending the service, offer your condolences in person or share a story or special memory about the deceased. If you can't be there, you can still be with the family in thought by signing the private guestbook.
Sign the register during the visitation
When you sign the register at the funeral home, be sure to list your name and your relationship to the deceased. The register is something the family will have forever, and they will appreciate knowing who you are and how you knew their loved one in years to come.
Send a gift to the family
Appropriate gifts include flowers, a donation to a charity (oftentimes the family will have a preferred charity), food or a service. You can send your gift to the family's home or the funeral home. Please ensure you include a signed card with your gift so the family knows who sent it.
Stay in touch with the family
Depending on your relationship with the family, you may choose to stay in touch in person, by telephone or online. The grieving process can be long and difficult. You will serve the family well by letting them know you're there for them.
What to Wear
Historically, people wore black to a funeral. Today it's acceptable to dress in a wider range of colors and clothing styles. A good rule of thumb is to dress as you would at church or a job interview.
If you have any other questions about funeral etiquette, please contact us.
CIVIL & vETERAN rESOURCES
The Department of Veterans' Affairs provides information on memorial benefits, health services, life insurance programs and more.
The Social Security Administration this site provides information on potential benefits that can be claimed by the survivors.
The National Cemetery Administration (NCA) honors Veterans with a final resting place and last memorials that commemorate their service to our nation.
Military Forces Honor Guard "Honoring Those Who Served"
The Social Security Administration this site provides information on potential benefits that can be claimed by the survivors.
The National Cemetery Administration (NCA) honors Veterans with a final resting place and last memorials that commemorate their service to our nation.
Military Forces Honor Guard "Honoring Those Who Served"
NATIONAL SELF-HELP ORGANIZATIONS and support groups
- AARP, Widowed Person's Services - http://www.aarp.org
Independent branches of this organization can be found by searching online for Widowed Persons Services and the name of your town and state. - American Association of Suicidology - http://suicidology.org
Information and resources; referrals to suicide survivor groups - Center for Loss and Life Transition - http://centerforloss.com
Resources, education and training, and referral for bereaved families; provides certificate program in Death and Grief studies for bereavement professionals - The Compassionate Friends - http://www.compassionatefriends.org
Information and resources for bereaved families who have experienced the death of a child - The Dougy Center - http://www.dougy.org
Information, education, referral and support for children and families; publishes a national directory of support programs for bereaved children - Share - http://nationalshare.org
Pregnancy and infant loss support - Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) - http://www.MADD.org
Education, resources and advocacy for bereaved families - Parents of Murdered Children, Inc - http://www.pomc.com
Information, resources and support for bereaved families - National Institute of Mental Health Public Inquiries - http://www.nimh.nih.gov
Education and publications for families and professionals